The Everything Life Coaching Podcast, featuring Lumia Coaching founders John Kim and Noelle Cordeaux, is a deep dive into the experience and business of being a life coach. Subscribe to get new episodes weekly!
The ONE Skill Every Life Coach Needs
Ever wondered what is the most important coaching skill?
Listening is the most important coaching skill AND an essential human skill. Unfortunately, most of us weren't taught how to do it well. That's why nost coach training programs begin with the fundamentals. Even though we think we've got this one nailed, most coaching students discover there's ample room for growth and improvement!
How can we listen more deeply?
Coaching is a discipline based on mutual connection and trust. If you’re not able to fully hear your client, you won’t be able to be a good partner in strategy. So in order to know HOW to listen, you must develop this skill: surrendering.
The act of surrender and suspending your own life in the moment allows you to really drop down into a state of mindfulness and active listening as a coach. When you’re listening with your full presence, you’re connecting completely to the other person. You’re surrendering your own ego, your own agenda, and your own knowledge to truly hear somebody else.
What is Active Listening?
Active listening requires us to go back to the basics. It requires the listener to be fully present and understand all aspects of what is being said. The transformative power of coaching is activated when our clients have the life altering experience of being fully seen, held, believed in, and validated by another competent and trusted adult.
Using open-ended questions is an active listening technique that invites a client into a state of exploration. It’s what allows those deeper stories to emerge.
Consider questions that:
- Establish trust
- Require a longer response
- Allow clients to tell their stories
When in doubt, you can never go wrong with the simple but effective: “Tell me more.”
The International Coaching Federation defines coaching presence as an “ability to create a safe, supportive environment that produces ongoing mutual respect and trust.”
What does this look like in practice?
- Demonstrating respect for a client’s perceptions, learning style, and personal being.
- Providing ongoing support for new behaviors and actions, including those that involve risk taking and fear of failure.
- Asking permission to offer suggestions, a reframe of the situation, or to coach the client in areas that are sensitive or new for them.
Listening Without Judgment
Despite our best intentions, unconscious bias can sometimes interfere with our ability to make a positive impact in the lives of others. Bringing these issues to light in coach training and working with them compassionately allows us to more capably navigate a complex world.
As coaches, we work with clients on some of the most personal aspects of their lives. Along the way, our unconscious biases will - not may - impact how we hear, interpret and are ultimately able to hold space for our clients. This is why the ICF Code of Ethics repeatedly calls on coaches to engage in work to gain an understanding of unconscious bias and take proactive steps to dismantle it. As ethical practitioners, this is the standard we are all held to.
Rigorous self-reflection is part of our work as coaches. Doing the hard work of figuring out what we need to see, understand, un-do within ourselves, and collectively call in requires courage. This is also one of the paradoxes of coaching: we are a constant work in progress. We need not be perfect to coach - we come as we are and we are whole as we are. But one of our most important investments we can make as coaches is in our own personal growth.
Holding space requires the coach to become a container. Your role is to create a benevolent emptiness that clients can fill in with their own resources. As a professional coach, you’re being asked to keep your own judgment, solutions, emotional responses, and new ideas at bay so that your clients can “walk around” and explore themselves within the space you are holding.
Oftentimes, the value of coaching is in the time that has been set aside for clients to let the “cloudiness” within them settle so that clarity and intuition can emerge. Active Listening is not about adding more things to the coaching conversation, or “performing” as a coach. It’s about allowing clients to experience their own genius so they can do what they do best – solve their own problems.
Want To Be A Coach?
A lot of talented people like you dream of having a coaching business, but aren’t quite sure how to get there. We train and certify adventurous coaches, making sure you’ve got all you need to build a business you love and transform lives, on your terms. If you're ready to learn more, come check out Lumia Life Coach Training!