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Inspiration

John Kim’s 2022 Reflections: Revelations As I Turn 50

Lumia Coaching co-founder John Kim (The Angry Therapist) reflects on turning 50 - the lessons, new definitions, and how it relates to the future of coaching.

December 29, 2022

Revelations As I Turn 50, and How They Relate to the Future of Coaching

by John Kim, Lumia Coaching co-founder

John Kim reflects on turning 50

As we move into 2023, I will be swinging onto the giant majestic - the word I am choosing to describe the five-0 tree like a terrified baby flying squirrel. Yes, this year is the final domino of my 40's. And left with that as it hits the floor in slow motion, are many reflections and revelations.

First, I can't believe I'm here.

By "here", I mean a few things. Here - 50 years old. I don't want to dwell on numbers but fuck, 50 is 50. I understand it can be the new 40 and I don't feel 50 at all. But I also don't know what 50 is supposed to feel like. I think because as a kid 50 felt so old and far away.

So this year has been a process of internal acceptance as well as a redefining of what 50's looks like.

Old definition.

50 year olds have teenagers. They have drifted in their marriages and drive Corvettes. They have bellies and thinning hair. They are a few years away from playing chess in the park and live on government allowances or what they have saved.

Life is now happening in front of them. They are watchers. Wake up early, not to build their empire but to watch birds and pee.

New definition (mine).

50 year olds have toddlers. They chose to have a baby later in life so they can have a life while raising him. They move their body, like they did in their 30's. 

They are able to shine a light on their shadows, more aware of their dark and unhealthy patterns and how they impact their life and relationships. Loneliness becomes solitude. 

They start new careers. Pursue passions. Seek adventure. Have lots of sex, like in your 20's but this time rediscovered and new. Act silly. Not take themselves too seriously. 

50 is a reunion to self instead of losing oneself.

By "here", I also mean no longer in a panic state. 

I spent most of my 20's, 30's, and some of my 40's in this state. It's the feeling in your body that the other shoe is going to drop, that the sky is going to fall, that you will be found out. That you have not made your way out. You are still trapped and stunted. The sun is always behind clouds.

Even if it's subtle, it blocks good things from happening. 

Doors don't open. And if they do, you don't believe in yourself or your story enough to walk through them. You feel like you're in an ant farm, moving through tunnels but not going anywhere. And this feeling manifests into your reality. 

I finally feel like I have chewed my way out. And it's freeing AF. A new life frequency.

Second, nothing matters.

As I turn half a century old, this was the official year I realized that the things I thought mattered so much really don't. 

This was the year I really started to see things through a wide lens, 30,000 feet, cumulative, and it helps put things into perspective. No longer living in the trenches like I did in high school when my life was over if she said no to Prom. Or if the cool kids didn't allow me in. 

Things that used to consume and mentally and emotionally bury me only give me a slight smack now. I am able to pull back. To breathe. To adjust my mind and thoughts into landscape mode. I truly believe everything passes. Nothing is permanent, no matter how it feels. We are here on this planet one time, as us. Let it go.

And finally, my revelation this year is that anything is possible in this world. 

We may, in fact, we may be the sighted aliens who built the pyramids and have come from the future because we have invented time travel by then. And look different, depending on how long it takes for us to invent time travel and flying saucers. So many "impossible" things are happening in the world right now. And so many rocks are being turned over, impossible is no longer a thing.

What does all this have to do with coaching?  

The first part is me sharing my journey, which I have been doing for over a decade. I've learned that documenting and sharing your story is an important part of being a coach. 

You don't have to live online like I do. But pulling the curtain back and documenting your story is a way to humanize yourself as a coach. This makes you relatable. It turns cold audiences warm. It's how I built a full practice and many communities. 

The last part, the revelation that anything is possible these days, relates directly to coaching. The world is changing. People are no longer negotiating what they used to. Like shitty jobs. Uneven domestic labor. Not having a life because you have kids. Toxic relationships. 

We all want more and better in all areas of our lives and this year proved that. It may be the reason why you're here reading this blog.  

This also means the demand for coaches is higher now than ever before. Because wanting something different and executing on that are two different things. As the temperature of the landscape forces us to reevaluate our lives and move from wanting to executing, guidance, processing, having someone make you accountable is one bio link click away.

And that's where you come in.

The Coach.

To hear Lumia Coaching cofounder Noelle Cordeaux's take on where we’ve been and what’s ahead, check out Noelle's Reflections on 2022.

Ready to Become A Coach?

One of our values at Lumia is that we dare to be different. Our life coaches ignore the expectations society tries to impose on them, and seek to live from their own truth instead. If you are ready to step into your power and you’d like a partner in the process, come check out Lumia Life Coach Training. Grounded in science, our ICF accredited program features authentic instructors, a robust curriculum, and business instruction to prepare you for liftoff.

Lumia Coaching: Vibrant community. Evidence-based life coach training. Lifetime support.

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